Adoption.....this is such a heavy word to me. This word holds so much heartbreak. What do you do, when you adopt a child so broken, that they cannot accept love? And because of the brokenness in their brain, they cannot accept happiness in life. They constantly feel the need to wreak havoc on everything around them...and everyone. They continually steal their siblings things...and deny it every time, even when caught on video tape. They won't do their schoolwork, won't do chores, won't listen to the therapist, won't listen to their psychiatrist, won't listen to their pastor....and won't listen to you. They fight you at every turn....with even simple things like eating. You have to watch them every second, to keep the other children safe. The stress is like a big monster........that never goes away. The heartbreak runs so deep....you so so so much want to help your child, but they refuse your help. They refuse to take the opportunities that their adoption has provided to them. They are bent on destroying themselves. How as parents can you stand by and watch this?? But you don't have a choice, you have to. The heartbreak runs so deep. The effect of early childhood trauma on the brain, can have a profound effect on a child's life...their future. When you adopt, you have no idea how your child's previous trauma, will ultimately effect him or her and your family. There are so many things that you just can't comprehend. You can't comprehend that your child will key your car over and over...and you won't be able to stop that kind of behavior. You can't understand that you really can't stop any child from doing anything. You can try to withhold privileges...but if they don't care about privileges, this has no effect. You can try to impose discipline, but if they refuse the discipline, you cannot do anything about it. For example, you can tell him he has to do 30 push ups because he punched his brother....but if he refuses to do the push ups...what can you do? Or if he breaks a siblings iPod for the 5th time, you can say he is going to have to pay for it, but if he is in so much debt because he continually is destruction of other's properties, and refuses to do any chores that could earn him any money...what are you going to do?
As parents we are so powerless......when you adopt a child with mental health issues... you can end up in situations day after day where you are powerless. For example, if your child is bent on not complying....it doesn't matter how early you get him up before church, instructing him to get ready...you can still end up 4 hours later, with him refusing to get dressed...so he can get the satisfaction of making everyone late.
My kids have a name for going to church late now....the walk of shame. Everyone in the family feels the pain of the effect of mental illness. This is a pain that no one can truly understand unless they have walked the road.
The word adoption now means the word opportunity. (to me...as a seasoned adoptive mom) With adopting...I am providing a child/children opportunities:
1. To Be loved unconditionally
2. Have a Family
3. To Heal (through varies forms, like therapy, RT, etc..)
3. Get an education
4. Future career, family
But they in turn have to choose to accept the opportunities. I am not responsible for their choices. I am just responsible for providing the opportunities.
We adopt...holding on to hope, that the seeds of love that we plant in our children, will one day take root, even if it takes a super long time.
Have you heard the term --Hurt Children Hurt Others
It is so true.
Adoption also provides the opportunity for those in the family that are mentally healthy to practice unconditional love at a super deep level and to practice continual forgiveness.
Plus
Learn how to find joy in the midst of sorrow.
I, as a Trauma Momma (mother of children who have experienced trauma), get to be stretched....I have learned so much about life, and human kind from my children. I am stronger because of this journey.... I am better because of this journey.
If you are a person of prayer....please keep our family family on your prayer list. We are on the front lines ---- trying to help the broken and it is not an easy road.
Thank you!
As parents we are so powerless......when you adopt a child with mental health issues... you can end up in situations day after day where you are powerless. For example, if your child is bent on not complying....it doesn't matter how early you get him up before church, instructing him to get ready...you can still end up 4 hours later, with him refusing to get dressed...so he can get the satisfaction of making everyone late.
My kids have a name for going to church late now....the walk of shame. Everyone in the family feels the pain of the effect of mental illness. This is a pain that no one can truly understand unless they have walked the road.
The word adoption now means the word opportunity. (to me...as a seasoned adoptive mom) With adopting...I am providing a child/children opportunities:
1. To Be loved unconditionally
2. Have a Family
3. To Heal (through varies forms, like therapy, RT, etc..)
3. Get an education
4. Future career, family
But they in turn have to choose to accept the opportunities. I am not responsible for their choices. I am just responsible for providing the opportunities.
We adopt...holding on to hope, that the seeds of love that we plant in our children, will one day take root, even if it takes a super long time.
Have you heard the term --Hurt Children Hurt Others
It is so true.
Adoption also provides the opportunity for those in the family that are mentally healthy to practice unconditional love at a super deep level and to practice continual forgiveness.
Plus
Learn how to find joy in the midst of sorrow.
I, as a Trauma Momma (mother of children who have experienced trauma), get to be stretched....I have learned so much about life, and human kind from my children. I am stronger because of this journey.... I am better because of this journey.
If you are a person of prayer....please keep our family family on your prayer list. We are on the front lines ---- trying to help the broken and it is not an easy road.
Thank you!
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